Monday, March 23, 2015

Beauty comes at a price, a sweet price!

Everyone that knows me, knows that I am a hairy guy. This is nothing new to family and close friends. I am very comfortable with my hair. Outside of having to shave my face every day I have never really been annoyed by the amount of hair that I have, that is until I got these devilish little things known as ingrown hairs. One every now and then happens, and that is okay, but about a year ago, I started getting a lot of them.

Like most people I turned to the source of all truth and knowledge, my peeps of the internets, and tried to discover a magical cure. Some said change your bath soap, exfoliate more, use more or a different lotion, and last but not least, remove all of the hair... not by shaving, not by trimming, but by waxing.

When it comes to waxing all I think about is that movie with Steve Carrell getting a wax on his chest. Or in Hitch when Will Smith is next to chocking Kevin James as he is getting his back waxed. It's not my definition of a good time, nor is getting ingrown hairs plucked and dug out. So, for some unknown reason to me, I got my chest waxed.

Being the cheap guy that I am, I wasn't going to go and drop an insane amount for someone to rip all of the hair off my body. I have attempted waxing before, and so has my wife. One using the typical hot wax that you warm up in a pot of boiling water, the other using strips that are pre-waxed - neither being fun. As I searched the internet for some cheap solution I stumbled across sugar waxing. It seemed simple enough, mix some sugar, water, lemon juice, heat it up until it turns golden brown, allow to cool for a few minutes, and then apply and cry as you remove hair in a way that God never intended for you to do.

Some how after I thought I screwed up the first patch of molten hair ripping flesh, I decided to look up another persons take on how to make sugar wax. Anyone with kids knows that if you want to have all of your attention focused on something you either hire a baby sitter, or wait until everyone is a sleep and walk around the house very, very quietly. So I started in on batch number two at around midnight.

Now, remember, this is a piece of cake. Sugar, water, lemon juice, heat it up until golden brown, and let cool for a few minutes, before applying. You can also let it cool, store it in the fridge and warm it up for later use. Sugar wax is different from normal wax, you can make it so you can use it without strips or anything else. So, after heating it up until golden brown, I pour it on a slightly damp plate, (just like the women said in her video) and waited for it to cool for 45 seconds before I was suppose to start gathering the nice hot molten lava wax with my hands.

After waiting 45 seconds, as I was told to do, I started to gather the wax up and thought this stuff is FREAKING HOT!!!!!! I rewatched the 30 seconds where the lady said, "Wait about 45 seconds and start gathering the wax before it cools down." How I let this women on youtube talk me into what I am about to tell you I have no idea, BYU should probably come and take my degree away because I am clearly lacking common sense.

After about 2 minutes after removing the wax, which was boiling, I begin to gather it in my hand and knead it so it gains a consistent texture, as I was directed. It's 12:30 at night, and my kids are sleeping so I am trying to control myself from saying various swear words, along with not freaking out. After about a minute I realize I am in a losing battle. What genius takes boiling hot sugar wax and try's to rub it in their hands? This guy! So, here I am standing in my kitchen with my hands just about stuck together with lovely hot wax. Thank goodness sugar dissolves with enough water. 

What did I learn? I already knew waxing was a painful thing, but like any DIY project, you better be prepared for the unexpected, like bad directions, or wrong directions, or a wife who gets way too much joy out of ripping your hair out. All I know, the people of the internets lie!

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